Sunday, September 24, 2006;
Well,I've been such a big fat critical and condescending bitch.I never knew.Now I do.And now I understand.I'm damn guilty.I feel really sorry.I'm like crying for the first time this year.Not for something that happen to me but rather shedding guilty tears for someone else.Doesn't make sense?Nevermind,it doesn't matter much as long as I know what I'm talking about.
I realised I've changed over the years.When I started Secondary school,I was pretty much normal in a way.But then,unpleasant things happened in Sec one.It wasn't a great year for me.After that,my heart hardened and I was a real Ice queen.Furthermore,I started becoming cynical of religion and I would snap at anyone who tried to 'preach' to me or tell me stuff that has to do with God.I would feel damn uncomfortable and annoyed.There's absolutely no reason for that.All I could think of was that the devil was toying with my mind and thoughts.I drifted further and further from God.But by His grace and mercy,I was brought closer to Him last year and even though during that period of time when I was far from Him,He never forsake me.He continued His blessings towards me despite the fact that I was doubting Him.After becoming more close to him,I can feel that I change alot.I've become more sensitive to my surroundings and less indifferent.The ice wall around my heart began to melt and slowly I learned to be more compassionate and sympathetic.
A turning point was late last year when I was walking along Orchard Road with some friends and at the traffic light,was this elderly guy who was singing Christian songs for money.At first,I was unmoved until he sang "And now,let the weak say I am strong.Let the poor say I am rich".Even then,it didn't affect me much.The words only lingered in my head.Until I reach home and I told my mummy about that guy and as I was halfway through relating it,the tears just poured out when I got to the song part.It was pretty uncontrollable I suppose.
Well,i can't say that I've completely become an emotional person.I still don't cry at movies.Well,only once when I watched Phantom of the Opera at the last part.I mean,the phantom is so poor thing.That Christine left him coz he's ugly and deformed.See,this clearly shows superficiality in the real world.It's sad but true.Looks matter in this world we live in.Look around everywhere.All the slimming ads and beauty advertisements and model pages in mags.They're all defining beauty for us.With technology,cosmetic surgery is hot now.Natural beauty is rare now.What you see now ain't really what you get.I mean,look at all the Photoshop images,botox,make-up,anti-ageing products(that do not actually work much) and all that bullshit.People are actually paying bucks to look good.All the hot gals in beauty pageants,I bet many of them had to undergo some sorta surgery before joining the contest.There's also a rise in eating disorder cases.People are dieting just because they think being skinny looks nice and will boost their self-esteem.
There's an increase for the demand of luxury goods.The gap between the rich and poor are widening.Social ladders are springing up.You're either at the top or being trampled on at the bottom.People are becoming label junkies.Walk around town and whichever corner you turn,you see many people sporting Gucci,LV,Coach,Dior and Fendi bags.Branded stuff are becoming ever so common that I wonder how a woman can carry an LV,for example, without grimacing at the thought of seeing a few other women with the exact same thing.For me,I'll get annoyed just seeing someone having something similar to mine.
I shall not deny the fact that I do use branded stuff(Who doesn't anyway?)but because of quality rather than for reputation.I mean,some branded stuff have better quality than those stuff you find in This Fashion(but if you're lucky,you may get some good stuff there).For example,I'd rather pay more for a pair of Levi's that's comfortable and lasting rather than some cheapo pair with poor quality dye that runs and stains clothing when you wash.I'd also pay more for a pair of Adidas running shoes that would last me for a long time rather than some cheapo pair that gives me blisters(yes,that happened to me and they hurt like mad).But I mainly get my stuff cheap coz I know where to get the cheap and good stuff.Heh heh!
Hmm..anyway,back to the real stuff.On Friday,after school,Jojo,Berns and I went to J8 for lunch.We wanted to catch a movie but then Jojo already watched the movies that Berns and I wanted to watch and she didn't wanna watch again-.- so in the end we went to pig out on mud pie and brownie at Coffee Bean.It was damn heavenly initially but after a while, we got quite sick but we had to force ourselves to finish.I couldn't eat dinner when I got home.Too damn full.
On Saturday,we had a Sunday School gathering at Ben and Melissa's house.It was like the first time I've been to Tiong Bahru.I mean,I don't go to that part of the island much.Their house is really nice.It's not enormous but it's really cosy and they live on the 24th storey!So cool man!We sat around,had ice cream and snacks and talk rubbish.After eating,we had some sharing and singing and we prayed for each other.After that,Ben offered to fetch me,Leanna and Porky back since they were going to Paya Lebar.Yeah,that's about it.Gonna sleep now,getting my prelim results back tomorrow!!YIkes!!!God rest my soul man!
If I just lay here,Would you lie with meAnd just forget the world~Snow Patrol~
{{ 7:01 AM -
The forever memories we have.
