and I bet there's still more to come..>.<
Anyway,you know what?No wait,you won't know since I haven't said it.I'm effing pissed now.Ok,not so much pissed but more like disenchanted?disappointed?Actually,I don't exactly know. No, these feelings aren't directed towards anyone or anything in particular.It's just what I feel towards life in general.I wonder,just wonder...how long I can actually keep up the pretense to harbour my thoughts.I just wonder how long does it take before I just break down.I'm waiting..just waiting..funny how in life we always gotta wait.Sometimes,the wait can be damn frustrating.
Ok,but that's not the point I'm trying to bring out.Those moments of solitude which give me time to think and reflect:the daily long bus rides..the still quiet saturday nights..I dislike them now.They serve as annoying reminders of everything.I think my life is like an illusion..or rather I live my life like one. Most of the time,I live in self-delusion,thinking that the next minute,hour,day,week,month....will be better just so that I won't have to dwell in the past and make myself miserable.Sometimes,it would be better..sometimes not.Sometimes,I refuse to admit that some things do bother me even though subconsciously I know they really do.Because I have too much damn pride to acknowledge them coz I see them as weakness.
I can't exactly say my life sucks BIG TIME even though most of the time it does.It's like in a bad day,there'll surely be at least some things,usually small things, that make you smile and so balances out the bad stuff.It's amazing how things in life balance each other out.I honestly say that these days aren't that smoothsailing..what with the accumulating workload,promos just round the corner and other matters.Many a times,I wish I could just scream my heart out..but at these times,I also think of the things which make me smile though some have already come to past.See the importance of memories? Good memories which you have,keep them..they can keep your sanity.
I would like to believe this is merely a movie I'm watching.A movie with a bittersweet tale.A tale of joy and laughter.A tale of sorrow and woe.A tale of romance and all things perfect.A tale of hate and bitterness.In short,I'm watching a movie entitled "Life".I wish to have some kinda detachment,to just be a viewer,a third party,just slacking back there with my popcorn and watching moving images speed right past me and just observe and learn..so that I won't repeat the mistakes of others...ever.
Oh goddamit,I'm sick in the pits AGAIN!AHHH!!!!I'm having that wanna-puke-but-cannot-puke kinda feeling which I really can't stand.Blame it on the weather.It's been causing so many people to fall sick.Oops!Post hoc ergo propter hoc.HAHA!!But for now I care not for making unfallacious arguments now.I just wanna sleep.I just took my temperature and bloody hell!It's like 37.7!*falls off the chair* That's it man,I think I ain't gonna turn up for school tomorrow.Oh crap,then I'll miss tomorrow's KI lesson!And tomorrow's lesson is like damn interesting can...the debate between Creationism and ID!!!Sean!!!Take a video or something and let me watch it or something.Argh,see what I mean?This month is cursed.Pfft!
So near yet so far..It's like it's just there..right in front of me.All I gotta do is reach out and grab hold of it.But no...it ain't that easy...if it were,it wouldn't be like that.I reach out and all I grabbed was air...it's within reach but I'm short of just a few centimetres...>.<
Labels: annoyances, exams, sick, thoughts
