Sunday, October 14, 2007;
Ok,I know I've blogged just now but I just felt the need to get some stuff outta my head before I hit the sack.
It's funny huh,how just a year can have many changes in you.The way you think,the way you behave,the way you talk,the way you deal with people,the way you dress etc etc etc.
Change...may be good...may be bad..it's subjective.
I was just reviewing my earliest posts,those which I posted when I was only 13 or 14 which was like a good 3 or 4 years ago.If you actually bother(though I know no one would) to read through those posts,there's a huge difference.I guess my posts now are more mature...well obviously,if they're not then something's seriously wrong with me.
Anyway,don't need to talk about 3 or 4 years.Within a year,many changes can take place.I was looking through pics taken just only a year back.Omfg,I nearly fell off my chair..seriously,I made a few fashion blunders I know..Ok,or rather what would be fashion blunders to me now though last time I had many compliments(whether genuine or not that's questionable but I shan't dwell into that).
Anyway,the main thing is..I'm not the same person as before.It's quite obvious actually...especially to those who knew me before this year.I've known this all along...I've changed but I just dismissed it...but that night when I had a phone convo with a friend,it sorta woke me up a bit and it made me more conscious about it,well some what.But it started when some people confessed to me that I was intimidating at first sight or that I looked bitchy or whatever.I wasn't offended don't worry.In fact,I thank you all...for being so honest.I'm deprived of honest comments,seriously.I need self-realisation.
Don't need to talk about one year..just within a year itself.Within this year to be precise,I've changed quite a bit.The first day of the year I was one person...now I'm another.Maybe it's because of disenchantment build up from last year..or from the years before.I dunno.Some other adults have told me I've grown more cynical(but I reckon what they really mean is bitchy just that they wanna make it sound nicer) just because I don't wanna agree with their claims and opinions.I'm no longer that lil smart 10 year old with the shiny black hair and that thick kids' study bible who readily accepts what they say.No don't blame it on KI.I've already been like that since last year though it accelerated this year.I have a feeling I may have to drop KI next year with my predicted lousy grades...maybe it might be for the best...the best for me...or maybe it mayn't make a difference.Dunno...
I asked my mummy who knows me best..she said yeah I've changed.I've grown cold but then she also said,right deep inside,I'm still the same...I can still be warm-hearted...it's a matter of finding out how to actually bring it to the surface and not leaving it buried in the mud.She said people change,no doubt,but changes are only surface build-up...the core remains....or something along that line.
Oh and I just remembered.Someone once told me my eyes are bright and shiny though I may not be smiling.I was quite taken aback by that comment.I was surprised that person actually noticed....but I never really asked what that person really meant.Maybe it was coz I didn't really wanna know.
Ok,I gotta admit,I was pissed and still am about that distant between us.It's like as if we've never talked,never went out together,never msged each other never this and that.It's like we're strangers now.But then perhaps it's not you.Maybe it's me.Maybe you're just smart enough(I mean,you gotta be...otherwise why would I have fallen for you then?)to see the change in me.To see that I'm not what I was before.Maybe that's why you drifted.Maybe it's for the better coz if you hadn't,perhaps I'll get hurt....or maybe you would...or maybe both of us.And for that,I don't hold grudges anymore.But if it's other reasons,then...well...I dunno but I shan't go there since that's not the point.
Actually there are many things I wanna say...but the prob is it's too many so here're only part of everything...but you all get my point right?
Labels: thoughts
{{ 9:25 AM -
The forever memories we have.
